Review: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - "Frank Reynolds' Little Beauties" (Diddling, Perverts and a Beauty Pageant)

Season 7, Episode 3

Air Date: Thursday, September 29, 2011, 10:00 pm ET/PT on FX

Rating: ★★★★★

What will they think of next? Beauty pageants, that’s what. But not your ordinary pageant, oh no. Frank (Danny DeVito) has gotten himself in quite a mess after meeting a guy “in a titty bar” and becoming involved in a children’s pageant when the guy is arrested for “diddling” one of the contestants. At first, the gang doesn’t know kids are involved, so they’re quite disappointed when two little girls waltz into Paddy’s parading around in bathing suits, rather than the bombshells they were expecting. As usual, hilarity ensues.

Review: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - "Frank Reynolds' Little Beauties" (Diddling, Perverts and a Beauty Pageant) 1

Mac, Dennis and Charlie cheering during practice

After Charlie (Charlie Day) gives the gang a pep talk on the values of child pageants—“Child pageants are an American tradition…child pageantry is a central part of the American fabric!”—everyone gets on board chanting, “USA, USA, USA!” like they’re at an Olympic hockey game rooting for the US team.

I have to ask, as does Dee (Kaitlin Olson), why those mothers leave their kids in the care of the Sunny gang—and in a bar at that! What kind of parent does that? Oh right, those crazy women who enter their kids in pageants like those in TLC’sToddlers & Tiaras. Leave it to Sunny to base an episode on such a hot topic.

Walter Harris (Erik Jensen) from the Family Association for the Protection of Children goes to Paddy’s to ensure the safety of the kids. Watching Dee trying to get out of taking responsibility for the pageant—after she tells him she’s in charge—is pretty funny.

Review: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - "Frank Reynolds' Little Beauties" (Diddling, Perverts and a Beauty Pageant) 2

Dee coming down on Samantha (unseen)

One of the funniest scenes involves Charlie trying to teach the girls, and one sole boy, how to strut and pose. Just his physical performance alone is enough to give me a good chuckle. But what really makes me laugh is the conversation Dee has with Samantha (Caitlin Carmichael), one of the pageant contestants. Not only is Carmichael a very pretty, talented little girl, she’s also very busy. For a 7-year-old, she’s already been in True Blood, Dexter, Hot in Cleveland and other TV shows, has completed the thriller Forgetting the Girl (with Christopher Denham, Lindsay Beamish and Elizabeth Rice), the romance Conception (with David Arquette, Julie Bowen and Sara Hyland), and has three other works (Lizzy, Bag of Bones and The Wicked) in post-production.

The best part of the episode is, of course, the pageant itself. While it starts off with a decent Broadway-like production with Dee, Mac (Rob McElhenny), Dennis (Glenn Howerton) and Charlie singing and dancing, it quickly devolves from there with scenes like Dee singing about how awful moms can be alongside Justine (Emily Evan Rae), and little Benjamin (Maxim Knight) performing an updated, rather sleazy version of “Yankee Doodle Dandy” much to the parents’ consternation.

Favorite lines:

Frank: “We gotta write a song about how we don’t diddle kids.” Singing totally off-key, “Do not diddle kids; it’s no good diddling kids. I wouldn’t do it with anyone younger than my daughter; no little kids…gotta be big.”
Dee, trying to relate to Samantha:

Samantha: “Your hair looks like it’s dead.”

Dee: “Alright. You listen to me! All hair is technically dead, you stupid idiot…smarty pants…stupid stupid idiot! You better watch yourself, Samantha…do you hear me? Because I am coming for you!”

Mac: “It’s like throwing a picnic on the beach and getting pissed because the seagulls show up.”

Review: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - "Frank Reynolds' Little Beauties" (Diddling, Perverts and a Beauty Pageant) 3

Charlie, Dennis and Mac aren't happy when Walter reminds them the pageant is for the kids, not the adults

The end of “Frank Reynolds’ Little Beauties” provides the best belly-busting laugh-out-loud moment when behind the scenes, Frank and the mortician (who covers up Frank’s bloody face with the same makeup he uses for dead people á la Grandpa (Al Lewis) on The Munsters) have a conversation after Frank asks, “You bang the dead bodies?” with the mike open. While the parents are horrified, I am laughing so hard my iced tea came spurting out of my nose!

Tune in to the incredibly funny It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Thursdays at 10:00 pm ET/PT only on FX.

LIKE Sunny on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/alwayssunny and follow the show on Twitter @FXNetworks using the hashtag #sunnyfx.

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Love TV, movies, and books--mostly mysteries, with a good love story thrown in every now and then. I have four adopted dogs who I adore. I love trying new recipes, and enjoy eating what I make. English language perfectionist. Reading in bed, Italian food, warm weather, the beach, all types of games = favs!