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Recap/Review: The Real Housewives of New Jersey, S3, E13 – “Child’s Play No More”

  • By

  • August 15, 2011

  • 11 mins to read

Airdate: Sunday, August 14, 10:00 pm ET/PT on Bravo

Rating:  ★★★★★

Finally, things come to a head with Ashley and her parents. It’s about time this kid is put in her place. Speaking of kids — Oh. My. God. If my kids were as bad as Teresa’s, I’d shoot myself! All they have to do is pose for pictures for Teresa’s newest cookbook, “Fabulicious,” and everyone can go home. But no. They have to cry and fuss. Teresa is really wearing rose-colored glasses if she thinks her girls are good.

Kathy thinks it’s about time she had a “serious…you know, the talk” with Victoria, her 16-year-old daughter. But like many fathers, Rich thinks “she’s still a little girl.” Um, Rich, have you taken a look at your daughter lately? She’s beautiful and looks more like she’s 19 than 16. Kathy tries to tell Rich how different things are today than when she was 16, but Rich is having none of it. “Victoria is my princess. So for Kathy to talk about sss…s…e…x, it’s kinda hard for me as a father to talk about that subject.” My Lord, the man can’t even say the word; he spells it out! And when Kathy talks about a “physical relationship,” Rich almost loses it. “Physical relationship? Not until she’s married.” Wake up and smell the roses, Rich – it’s 2011. Does he honestly think Victoria isn’t going to have any physical relationships before she’s married? Who knows? Maybe she’ll be one of those kids who “take the pledge” to respect their virginity.

Kathy takes Victoria to The Fig Leaf to buy a prom dress. She wants to make sure Victoria “sends the right message” – that she’s not dressing “too sexy.” I can’t believe Kathy picks this moment in time to have “the talk.” I would think that kind of conversation is much better handled in the privacy of their own home, not in front of the saleswomen who make no bones about listening!

Melissa tells her sisters, Lysa and Kim, about the play-date her kids had with Teresa’s girls, and how awful Teresa was to her. I really had to laugh – Melissa does a damn fine job of imitating Teresa. But what she says is true – Teresa put her down every chance she got. The conversation then turns to a story about one of the sisters’ cousins who went to a medium, who, in essence, told her about a communication she had with her godfather Anthony, who is Melissa’s father. Confused? I know I was. During this channeling, Anthony told the cousin to tell Melissa to stay on the straight and narrow, keep on doing what she’s doing, and she’ll become a huge success. Needless to say, all three sisters start crying. Scary people, those psychics. But, that’s fabulous news, right? However, Melissa doesn’t believe in mediums. “I don’t talk to mediums. I don’t talk to psychics. I just don’t do it, but when they told me that this medium channeled my father, my whole body got the chills because I felt like that is something he would say.” I guess there’s nothing Melissa can’t do now that her father is watching over her. <snicker>

Melissa shows off the studio Joey made for her to the guys from Soul Diggaz and they’re all pretty impressed with it. But they’re not too impressed by Melissa’s voice when she starts singing for them. To tell the truth, neither was I. What the hell happened to the beautiful voice Melissa displayed when she sang for them the first time? She’s totally off-key! Maybe she’s just nervous because Joey is there, being obnoxious as usual. Thankfully, Melissa gets back on track with the chorus of the song. After an experience like that, she better hope and pray her father Anthony really is watching out for her!

Caroline is cleaning out her closet, getting ready to donate all the different sized clothing she has when Lauren ambles in. They have such a nice mother/daughter talk about losing weight and the importance of exercise, I got jealous of their close relationship. Lauren admits no matter how much weight she loses, she’ll never feel good about herself. I feel so bad for her! She has so much going for her, but apparently doesn’t realize it. Through her tears, Caroline tries to help her by giving her the “beauty comes from within” speech. As a mother, I thoroughly relate to what Caroline is going through. It’s difficult to watch your child be down on herself and not be able to do anything about it. But I can also relate to Lauren, as I’ve battled a weight problem all my life. It wasn’t until I was much older, around 45, when I finally decided I was fine with the way I was. As a matter of fact, I became proud of myself and learned people need to accept me for who I am, not what I am. Hopefully, it won’t take Lauren that long to figure that out for herself.

As much as Caroline wants to help Lauren, she’s really not a great work-out buddy, as evidenced by her lack of enthusiasm and general goofing around at the Powerhouse Gym. Fortunately, Lauren has Jacqueline to work out with. Salvatore Ferrara, Chris and Albie Manzo’s kickbox trainer, puts everyone through their paces with his routines. Caroline doesn’t want anything to do with it, saying, “I have no business kickboxing, but Lauren’s New Year’s resolution is to lose weight. I’m there for motivation.” If that’s motivation, I’m the Easter Bunny! Caroline won’t do push-ups or kickboxing exercises, and is absolutely ridiculous when she tries to do jumping jacks! Instead of just jumping up and down, she clicks her heels together like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz! What a sight!

Over at the Wicked Wolf Tavern in Hoboken, NJ, where Chris Manzo has gotten a job to pay for the cable bill, “Toy Story doesn’t pay for itself,” Ashley, Jacqueline and Chris Laurita, along with Lauren Manzo, Albie Manzo, and Albie and Chris’ roommate Greg drop in. The young Manzos are very concerned about what Ashley is going to be like when she turns 21 and can legally drink. Right now, Ashley is focused on partying and not taking her responsibilities seriously. Much to Ashley’s surprise, her father Matt and step-mother Jodi arrive. While she’s thrilled to see them, thinking they’re there for a fun visit, her father has something else entirely in store for her. He and Jodi have come to New Jersey (from Texas) to help get Ashley back on the right track. If she thought she had it bad with two parents, she better put some steel armor on. She’s got four parents to deal with. Good. Maybe someone can help turn this kid around.

While Ashley is enjoying having Matt and Jodi around, Jacqueline’s feelings are a bit hurt because Ashley doesn’t treat her the same way she treats her father – with respect. What a bombshell Ashley drops when she tells Jacqueline her plans for the future. She wants to go to California but when Jacqueline suggests she might want to work and save money to do that, Ashley says, “Well, obviously, when I go, I’d be working there too.” But when Jacqueline points out Ashley’s not currently paying rent, or anything else for that matter, and she’ll be moving to the other side of the country where she doesn’t have family to fall back on, Ashley could care less. All she’s concerned about is being in a place where she makes her own decisions about her life without being accountable to anyone other than herself. Ashley is the most selfish teenager I’ve ever run across – except she’s not a teenager. She’s 20 and should know better.

The next day, all four parents meet up at Top Crown for brunch. Ashley is supposed to be there, but as usual, she’s late. All they want to do is have a short intervention with Ashley. While they’re waiting for her, Jacqueline asks Matt if he knows about California. “Yeah, I got a text that says ‘I’m going to California. Are you going to pay for it or not?’” The nerve of this girl! At least Matt sees his daughter for what she is – a lazy brat who doesn’t finish anything she starts, and expects her parents to pay her way in the world. What I don’t understand is if all these parents know what Ashley is doing wrong, why have they allowed her get away with all this shit?

Ashley finally shows up “looking like Lindsey Lohan.” The Lauritas better be careful Ashley doesn’t end up like Lindsey Lohan! After placing their orders, the intervention begins as Ashley is asked, “What are your goals? What do you want to be when you grow up?” Ashley responds she wants to go to beauty school in California. Wait, what happened to fashion design? And why California? As Ashley explains it, it’s so she can say, “Oh, remember that year I lived in L.A.?” But when Chris points out the reality of such a big move—no money for an apartment or for school—you can see Ashley starting to tune him out. Matt steps in and tries to talk sense into her, while at the same time telling her he loves her, and then Jodi tells Ashley she should be lucky she has four parents who love her, believe in her and want to support her. Jacqueline finally speaks up, wanting to know why Ashley doesn’t respect her as a person – why she sees Jacqueline as some sort of loser. My mouth, along with everyone else’s at the table, dropped to the floor at Ashley’s answer. “I just hate like, for an example, when you lecture me about how I act, and how I do this and that in a certain way. But it’s like, I’m 20 and I don’t have a kid.” What? How dare you, Ashley? So your mother had you when she was 20, and did everything she could to give you a good life; now you’re throwing it in her face!? I don’t blame Jacqueline one bit for losing it on Ashley. No child should be that disrespectful of their mother. Ashley’s pushed it a little too far with Jacquline, as she says, “You know what? Why don’t you get out of my house now, because I don’t need to be living with someone who feels that way about me!” I feel just awful for Jacqueline, watching her cry downstairs, out of sight of Ashley and the others. Her heart was breaking and mine was breaking for her. Upstairs, Matt tells her if she pulled that crap, and rolled her eyes when he was talking, the way she does when Jacqueline is talking, he’d “snatch [her] by the neck. I don’t put up with that shit. You shouldn’t do that to your mom.” At that point, Chris goes downstairs to comfort Jacqueline and tells her they have to let Matt handle it. They’re done.

Tune in to The Real Housewives of New Jersey next Sunday at 10:00 pm ET/PT on Bravo for “Belly Up & Up,” where the conversation with Ashley and her parents resumes, and there’s a bit more drama between Teresa and Melissa at a tasting party Kathy throws.

For more information on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, go to http://www.bravotv.com/the-real-housewives-of-new-jersey, where you can see photos from this episode, read cast blogs, watch unseen footage and full episodes online.

Linda

Love TV, movies, and books--mostly mysteries, with a good love story thrown in every now and then. I have four adopted dogs who I adore. I love trying new recipes, and enjoy eating what I make. English language perfectionist. Reading in bed, Italian food, warm weather, the beach, all types of games = favs!

Linda

Love TV, movies, and books--mostly mysteries, with a good love story thrown in every now and then. I have four adopted dogs who I adore. I love trying new recipes, and enjoy eating what I make. English language perfectionist. Reading in bed, Italian food, warm weather, the beach, all types of games = favs!